Monday, May 31, 2010

House of Revenge

I don't think this all started last night. More likely, these feuds are ongoing, with only occasional noticeable engagements.

What happened last night is that I saw a large, really large, "palmetto bug" crawling up the wall beside my back door, which I had inadvertently left open a crack. It quickly scuttled behind a mirror, and even though I was grateful to be alerted that the door was open when I'm usually careful to deadbolt it 24/7, my gratitude did not extend to coexistence with such a large intruder. At the next commercial, I got my spray tank and shot the door jamb and all nearby corners, baseboards, etc. Sadly, the pb succumbed. But wait, there was another one ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER! EWWW! So the next thing was to remove all the countertop items and spray all the wall-backsplash-countertop joints. More death. Now I realize that it's been a while since I sprayed the whole house, so I head for my bathroom, and of course found another one. This one was kind of sickly, as pb's are supposed to be in a well-sprayed house, but I gave it a dispatching shot and did that whole room too. Back to the tv.

So this morning, I'm thinking I'll have a swim and as I usually do, I get my pole skimmer to remove the night's accumulation of toad and frog carcasses, but suddenly I realize that there are a couple of those little guys who are alive and trying very hard to evade my reach. As I chase them, I suddenly start to feel like a powerful tyrant cleansing my world of "the other". Hitler comes to mind, and I remind myself of Godwin's law about the overuse of Hitler references. Anyway, I am relieved to see the froggies hop away after I dump the skimmer thing. And I'm thinking that I'm on the side of Good after all. Didn't I check on the crazy wren who crashed into my sliding door yesterday? Yes, I did.

But apparently some little body disagrees and has decided not to live peaceably in my queendom because as I walk around my pool, I see that all my portulaca blossoms are gone and so are my green pepper blossoms. The last time this happened, I blamed it on deer, but now I'm thinking it's whoever dug the holes in the same area. Deer I more or less tolerate because they come and go, but critters who take up residence will rue the day. They may try to avenge all the critters whom I have dispatched, but it'll cost them. I am plotting retaliation as I type this. St. Francis, please look the other way.

1 comment:

Mad Hatter said...

At my house, it is all the danged crows. I set out some food for the songbirds, food that is supposed to last at least a week, once the crows get a hold of it, it lasts maybe 5 minutes. Nothing short of a pellet gun will fix it either. I do have one bird feeder that the crows can get to, but my daughter can't fill that one... the war rages on.