I am on vacation!

I am on vacation! It's August, and I am on vacation. Of course, that statement made out loud invites the question "How could anyone tell? You're retired." OK, that's fair. But here's the thing: The United States Congress is on vacation, so there's less coverage of its shenanigans. The View is on vacation, so there are obviously no "hot topics" for me to consider. No sensible people are playing golf, so any guarding of my territory would involve confrontation with a crazy person, which I try to avoid. My job of keeping up with things from my couch is therefore less demanding. Ergo, I am on vacation.

What that means is that I wear bathing suits instead of underwear and read books instead of newsletters, junk mail and anything that really has no appeal. Because I haven't bothered to replace my dead answering machine, I will respond only to urgent family messages left on my cell phone and may or may not answer my land line. I will avoid anything that smacks of "getting things done," including making appointments or dealing with maintenance issues...unless the A/C or fridge breaks down.

I may thumb through magazines, but I won't read diet articles or celebrity nonsense. I have no need to "keep up" this month. I may not even do my daily Sudoku. I will swim and ride my bike, but to heck with the weeding and cleaning. I will eat out. I like the new Panera's, and I may go there every day for lunch, unless I eat at the Beach Club or don't bother to eat at all. My MP3 will provide a nicely portable soundtrack for my vacation. If I need to slow the pace, I may zone out with Turner Movie Channel, which I did last August, when it was added to our cable line-up. Last night they featured Marie Dressler, and I really got into the simple cinema of the 1930's.

I am on vacation.